10 Reasons Why: 1st Election Edition

I have finally found a candidate I can support,
as my two real supportable candidates never
had a chance in the first place*.

Ten Reasons Why I'm for Schrute in '08:

1. He has worked his way up to the position of Assistant Regional Manager (not, as commonly mistaken, Assistant to the Regional Manager) for the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company.
2. He is the winner of the 2005 Salesman of the Year Award.
3. He is a former volunteer sheriff and highly trained in the art of surveillance.
4. He owns his own beet farm.
5. He has the ability to maintain a hidden arsenal of weapons at his desk, including pepper spray, nunchucks, throwing stars, a stun gun, a boomerang, handcuffs, a nightstick, a pair of brass knuckles, and a samurai sword--all of which were confiscated, and a Spud Gun--which was never confiscated.
6. He is a close personal friend of John McCain and was rumored to be top choice for his running mate.
7. He is a self-professed expert on sun hibernation.
8. He holds great interest in the representational arts of Japan.
9. He is the founder of Schrutanese and Schrute Bucks.
10. Bobblehead. Need I say more?

*In case you were curious, my two supportable candidates were Mike Huckabee and Dennis Kucinich. You may do a double-take at those names side by side. It's my split personality that allows me to be enamored with seemingly polar opposites.

But now that I think about it, they're actually not as diametrically opposed as one would think...