In Remembrance

Tomorrow, also Easter and my best friend's birthday, is the anniversary of our twins' due date. Emmanuel passed at two months' gestation, and Elizabeth at four months. It has been five years. Wow. I feel like I'm not exactly sad...I just don't know what I feel. Because when I get too emotional about it, it's bittersweet, since if it weren't for their loss we wouldn't have our most joyful Emme. I just feel like I want to remember them, and since only my husband and mother acknowledge their existence in "real life," writing about it is about all I can do.

I just can't believe it's been five years. I remember finding out I was pregnant on Hannah's first birthday, knowing something was wrong at Heather's wedding, my shock and sadness on the day we moved into town finding out it was twins but one had died, my final ultrasound a couple months later when the other one had no heartbeat, and going through the physical miscarriage while Robert was at our home. It's funny that each element of the whole ordeal is marked by something very specific--the birthday, wedding, moving, and visit, and I'm glad because it helps me remember.

But time does heal wounds, thank God.

*********************

PSA: I know the picture I used is in no way theologically accurate (angel baby), nor is it accurate with the situation at hand (twins). However, I like it, and it coveys an entirely appropriate ethos.